


You Deserve The Whole Universe, But I am Just a Star

by blueseasalt



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Romance, somewhat text au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-06-12 19:12:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15346662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueseasalt/pseuds/blueseasalt
Summary: Jisoo held the whole galaxy in his eyes, but didn't see Jeonghan.





	1. I. PROLOGUE: The Nucleus.

**Author's Note:**

> Jeonghan is making his way into the business major but the only way his father will accept him as an heir, was to court someone and eventually marry them. Jeonghan, who didn't quite believe in the love aspect, still agreed. His target? The astronomy major, Hong Jisoo. 
> 
> or the fake marriage!AU where Jeonghan is actually head over heels for Jisoo but doesn't want to admit it, and Jisoo just doesn't notice it.   
> \---  
> A/N: fjsdk;dsgjds i lovelovelovelove stars and i wanted a nerdy!Jisoo and whipped!Jeonghan AU
> 
> C O N T I N U E . . .

_'Am I going to die?'_

_The young boy's hands clutched at his biceps, weakly providing what little warmth his hands was able to keep in through his palms and coursing up to his nimble digits. He rubbed at his arm, creating friction as his skin rubbed lightly together, but only grew furious once the warmth didn't stay. Irritated, he furrowed his eyebrows, staring longingly at the water in front of him. He wasn't sure how long he's been walking around in the dimly lit forest that had a bank of water that lead out to the river, but its been a while. His legs hurt, his calves were throbbing, and he regretted wearing his new shoes he didn't have the time to break in beforehand. Picking up a rock, he threw it up lightly, letting it land back into his palm before clenching his jaw as he pulled back and threw it into the water, watching it skip against the shimmery body of water and eventually drop inside with a soft noise that echoed as the density dragged it down, with the rest of the rocks. Soon after, his fingers dug into his palm as his vision blurred with tears, biting down harshly on his bottom lip, latching onto it without any mercy, even if it throbbed with pain, only fueling his tears to keep coming._

_"Don't cry, don't cry.." he muttered out to himself, inhaling deeply and then exhaling before sniffling, wiping his eyes with his forearms, "You're a big boy.. and.. and.. Big boys don't cry!" he nodded, confirming his own words as resolution grasped his body, continuing his walk._

_It all started with a walk to the park. It was the only day off his parents had and they went to have a small picnic in the park and catch up with family time that they lacked. Having been the only child, he gets a little lonely sometimes, and his parents noticed, every time they'd come home from a business trip and be greeted by their quiet son. What else could they do aside from rekindling their bond with a simple outing. He thrived off the experience. He played on the playset, chased after other kids once he was able to join their games, and encouraged his parents to push him on the swings. It wasn't until the curious boy went up to the older kids and asked them to play with him. He didn't realize their mischevious gazes, grins that were permanently etched on their faces as they looked at each other, a plan brewing almost immediately._

_"You wanna play with us?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"Alright, but you have to prove how much you do and if you can join our group. We don't just invite_ anyone _."_

_"I want to join!" he cried out, hands forming into fists as he triumphantly rose his small fists into the air and then beat down on his chest, determined._

_"Well, since you want to get in so bad.." the kid had a small lisp within his words and he thought it was a little funny but pretty cool, "You see that forest?" his finger outstretched into the forest that loomed before him, reigning an ominous glow to it that made anyone want to turn away, but he was a big kid, so he couldn't! "They say.. There's a wishing star hiding in that forest and it will grant all your wishes! If you bring it back to us, you can play with us and even join our group, got it?"_

_".. That's all?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly, earning a nod from them._

_"That's all!" a hand nudged the younger boy as he grinned, "Safe travels, little boy."_

_The child trudged along slowly, peering over his shoulder, earning an encouraging thumbs up from them before he nodded, lips pursed as his eyes widened, nodding slowly, "I've got it!" he chorused out and ran in, without thinking twice. His little legs and feet ran as fast as they could, getting farther and farther away from the entrance, and as soon as he got tired, his steps came into a slow jog that eventually turned into a walk. His head whipped around, unsure of where he was, even when he tried to retrace his steps. Before he knew it, the night sky started to shine through the tree branches, the sound of the crickets chirping and rustle from the leaves, leaving him absolutely petrified. And that's how it started._

_Continuing his walk, he had to drag his feet, despite them aching. It was probably blistered up by now. His vision was still blurred with tears as he walked, following the small pathway, even as he stumbled against the roots of the tree. All he wanted was his parents to come and find him and take him back home. It's been so long. His stomach was grumbling and he was on the verge of falling asleep, he just wanted to go home and never come back here again if he was just gonna get lost again. He swore he was going to yell at those kids when he sees them again and give them a piece of his mind._

_Deflating against one of the rocks, he whispered sadly, "I just wanted a friend." Hearing a sound behind him, he turned around quickly. His eyes were blown wide in fear as he wiped away his upcoming tears, "W-Who's there? Come out now!" then, it soon clicked as he gasped out, "Are you the hidden wishing star? Come out please and take me home," he pleaded, hearing another rustle causing him to squeak, his fingers pushing into his hair as he crouched down, sheltering himself off the world, "Please, please, come out and take me home," he begged silently, voice wavering. That was until he heard footsteps and a soft thump behind him. Raising his head, he saw a boy about his age and he looked at him confused for a moment, before mumbling quietly, "You're not the wishing star.."_

_"No, I'm not." he paused, crouching down, "I'm sorry," the other cupped his cheeks, wiping his tears away with his pudgy thumb, his glasses glistening against the moonlight, "Don't cry, don't cry. You shouldn't cry, unless you're sad.. What has got you sad?" the boy asked, before watching as the cowering boy bursted in tears._

_"I-I'm lost and s-scared! I want m-my pa..parents but I..I don't know where I am and.." he hiccuped over his words, not bothering to correct himself or anything as the boy his age began to comfort him, the other hand soothing its way into his silky tresses, cooing softly for him to calm down._

_"I know how to get home, but it's going to take a while. Will you stop crying, please? It's better to smile and be happy than to cry and be sad."_

_Sniffling, he nodded and then glanced to their sides, where he heard the soft thump and saw a book with golden intricates embedded in the red cover, "What's that?"_

_"A book about constellations!"_

_"C-Const..ullatons..?"_

_"No, no, silly, constellations!" the other mused, his eyes curving upwards as he pushed up his round glasses, "The stars!"_

_".. Why didn't you just say stars.." he grumbled underneath his breath before feeling his hand being held._

_"Would you like to see the stars with me before we leave?" hs eyes shone vibrantly, smile wide._

_Breath taken, he nodded absentmindedly, letting himself be tugged along with the boy's mysterious aura._

_The boy lead him off somewhere, deeper into the forest but he didn't quite mind, now that he wasn't alone. He looked down at their hands, before squeezing it gently, earning another squeeze back immediately, as he peered over his shoulder with a cheeky smile. It was silent between the two, aside from the twigs and leaves being crunched under the soles of his feet. For once, he didn't feel like crying as he was still guided away, trusting the boy wholeheartedly. It wasn't until they got to an empty area that seemed like it was meant for camping with how big the empty space. The boy let go of his hand and took off his sweater, leaving him with a cotton t-shirt before folding it two times, placing it along the log and laying down, moving over so he could lay beside him, which he did._

_Above them, was the sky filled with the said constellations. He was at an awe, his mouth agape underneath the beautiful sky, admiring every little twinkle in the sky before hearing the book open besides him, pages turned before a mini flashlight shone on the pages. He scooted closer, getting a closer look before the other boy turned his head, smiling again, which he returned immediately. It was the beautiful; the sky and the boy. He felt.. oddly at peace as his gaze focused on the sky above them again, humming softly._

_"Do you see that?" the boy whispered, his index finger outstretched as he faintly traced over a shape in the sky with it, "That's.. Orion."_

_"Orion?"_

_"Mhm, Orion! Pretty, right?"_

_He let out an agreeing hum before lifting his hand up, tracing out the faint shape, "And that one? Kind of looks like a snake." he giggled to himself._

_"Let me see.. Uhm.." he trailed off, flipping through the pages, "That's Hydra! It is.. kind of a snake, yes! Wow, good job," he praised, running his fingers through the male's hair, causing him to preen at the compliment._

_The two gazed at the stars, exchanging small talks that consisted of one asking what star that was and the other answering in seconds. It was peaceful, it was nice. It was as if all his worries were gone in a blink of an eye and this was the happiest he had been in a while. As the breeze flitted past them, he shivered, shuffling closer to the mysterious boy, who welcomed him into his arms absentmindedly, providing what little warmth he had. His gaze lingered on his new friend, watching as he continued to talk about what was in his book and eventually, he saw the stars in his eyes, as it radiated from them before seeing the shimmery golden hue in the soft tresses of his black hair._

_"Maybe I didn't find the star that can grant my wish," he paused, gaining the other's attention as his gaze remained on him, "But I did find a star that's my friend."_

_Before the male could respond, a flashlight shone on them, disrupting their once peaceful atmosphere._

_"Yes, that's him!" a voice cried out, sounding much like his mother's._

_"Mama?" he cried out, his hand that was on the other male's only tightened, tugging him along, his short legs chasing after him before he let his hand go, jumping into his mother's arms._

_"We missed you, so much. Don't ever leave our sight ever again!" his mother let go of him, seeing the male behind him, "And who are you?" she chided softly, "Jeonghan, who is this?"_

_Jeonghan blushed, embarrassed, "I.. I didn't ask for a name."_

_His mother scolded him lightly before saying, "Thank you for keeping Jeonghan company.." she trailed off, waiting for his name._

_"Jisoo!" he chirped, pushing his round glasses up, "My name is Jisoo!"_

_"And he's my friend!" Jeonghan butted in, grabbing his hand again, "Can I keep him?"_

_A chuckle was heard from his father, "You can't necessarily keep him but you can friend him. .. Jisoo as in Hong Jisoo? Ah, you're our new neighbor."_

_"Yes, sir!" Jisoo replied, nodding his head, giggling at Jeonghan's words before sliding off his jacket, putting it around his new friend._

_"Ah, how 'bout you come home with us, your mother must be worried sick."_

_He only smiled but reluctantly agreed, even as Jeonghan dragged him home with him, chattering happily._

_That's when he decided Jisoo was his precious star.. that soon hated him._


	2. II. Protons, Electrons, and Neutrons. ; Jeonghan.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet.

At first, it was hard for Jeonghan to get past his father's orders.

It still was hard, especially because he _always_ loses.

Despite attending university for quite a while, Jeonghan was finally residing inside a dorm, much to his dismay.

Jeonghan saw no use in living in the dormitory, sharing a room with someone, and residing in a whole building with other students he wasn't exactly fond of, but had to be fond of. Then again, he didn't bother socializing with anyone unless needed to. He had a whole plan set up for himself. He was going into the business major and take his rightful spot as heir. Unlike other kids, he didn't dream to become a vet, doctor, or some singer. He was influenced by his family's business and he always thought his father was the coolest behind the desk, barking out orders, answering calls, typing furiously, attending meetings, and flying out and visiting different places that were so new and foreign. Jeonghan recalled the various times he joined his mother and father on trips and the various relocations which caused him to move until his father took over as CEO in the Korea branch. Funny thing was, Jeonghan lived in America until he was seven, and after that, he lost all ability to speak English. But, he thought nothing of it. When it came to the family business, most kids would shrug it off or refuse any participation. As for Jeonghan, he wanted to claim his rights at age 10, but ultimately got rejected by his father. If Jeonghan was going to be heir, he had to play by his father's rules. Continue his education and then find someone. Someone  _special._

It's been a couple of weeks since he's been living in the dorms. He has a roomate, but can he really call him his roomate? He barely sees him. Jeonghan only sees him when he wakes up in the morning or if he stays up around 2-3 AM, busting his ass off studying. It'd be a quick hello and then the younger would crash onto his own bed and out he was like a light. Jeonghan, being oh so considerate, would turn his light off and go to bed as well. He was majoring in music, if he remembers. He was half-American. Hansol was his name, but he went by Vernon mostly. It rolled off Jeonghan's tongue oddly every time he would say his name. It was weird, but oddly endearing. He wasn't sure how he felt about Vernon as a roomate. He was sort of messy but it was as if he was like a ghost. Always gone. He never even sees him on campus. He'd prefer a roomate that was right in the middle of being gone and present 24/7. Maybe even a friend, or acquaintance. Whatever suits him. 

So, it was weird getting a random text message from Vernon, asking him if he wants to meet up at the cafe near their university.  _Espresso Express._ Jeonghan's been there a few times to study or just get a quick cup of something before heading off to class. It was the university's most infamous hangout spot, of course. Any time of the hour, it was packed. Passed closing time, Jeonghan wouldn't have believed it was a popular place -- it seemed so vacant, dark, and _empty._ That aside, he was standing in front of the building. It was bustling with life like always and the smell of coffee flitted into his nose. Pushing the door open, he heard the soft chime of the bell resonating above him. The smell of coffee seemingly grew and overwhelmed his senses.

"Jeonghan! Over here!"

His gaze was immediately met by Vernon's as well as being accompanied with his wide smile and waving hand before it was lowered by another male besides him, possibly scolding him about being too loud, embarrassing, or both. His smile was brief as he walked over, sliding into the vacant booth in front of them.

"So, you're Jeonghan," the other male paused, "I've heard so much about you!"

"That seems to be a lie," Jeonghan countered, quirking one eyebrow up, "Because I've never heard a single thing about you."

He looked at him deadpanned, arms crossed over his chest before a grin broke out on his face, "Huh. I like you already."

"Wow, high praise from someone I've just met."

"Anyway," Vernon cut in, looking between the two, "This is Seungkwan, my best friend."

There was a look in Seungkwan's eyes that Jeonghan couldn't have missed.

"Yes, his best friend." he muttered, extending his hand out to shake Jeonghan's, which he immediately grasped onto and shook, "I'll be seeing you around more often then."

 _I doubt it._ he thought, eyeing them for a moment. _Vernon's barely around, so it's possibly limited._ He shrugged, "Likewise. I'll be looking forward to it."

Jeonghan was mindlessly drinking his coffee. It's been a while since they've been here. It was safe to assume it was just a meet-up to get to know one another. He liked Seungkwan, but he still was iffy. Vernon was interesting, he was gonna be entirely honest. He didn't expect to see something so - unique from his roomate. He had a tendency to space out, that was evident enough. It was almost like seeing a quarreling married couple. It amused him, but he also felt a bit awkward. Him being a newcomer and hanging out with roomate that brought along his best friend while they got lost in their own world, sometimes bringing him in. It was as if he didn't know if he was supposed to look or was he even _allowed_ to look, was the question he should be asking.

It gave Jeonghan the time to adjust though. He never was able to sit back and relax or take in the cafe. It was lovely, he'll give them that. It was relaxing, comforting. He found out why it was the most beloved hangout on campus. Now that he actually lived near it, he wouldn't mind visiting from time to time to just hangout. It was modern, yet held a tint of vintage-ness to it. If that was how he could describe it. It was unique - not quite like Vernon. It was in its own main category.

The coffee hovered on his lips before he jumped once Vernon slammed his phone down, inhaling deeply. "I'm dead. I'm really dead. Kwannie -- I'm dead. Jeonghan, if I don't make it back to the dorm at all, you're a witness to my death." Vernon drawled on and on as he grabbed his phone once more, the light illuminating onto his face.

"Whoa, calm down, you're being dramatic." Seungkwan spoke, exasperated. "I'm supposed to be the dramatic one!"

"What's -- wrong?" Jeonghan choked out after a while as he recovered from his coffee that spilled slightly, some managing to slip into his mouth, scorching hot, as it burns his mouth.

"I forgot I was meeting Jihoon today. _We're_ supposed to meet up with Jihoon today about the assignment." Vernon spoke slowly, slapping Seungkwan's bicep, watching his eyes widen.

"Jihoon?" Jeonghan echoed, tilting his head.

"He's -- our friend. A strict friend, actually. He's in charge of the music studio and I asked for a favor for my assignment, which is why I'm always gone because I'm in the recording studio with him. We have to do a test recording!"

"Then, what are we still doing here!? Get up, get up!" Seungkwan chanted, ushering Vernon out of the booth, following suit as he managed to stop himself from falling over, to which Vernon did, "Oops. Anyway, sorry we only hung out for a bit. We'll catch up real soon, okay?"

"If you have something important to go to, by all means, go." Jeonghan had one hand raised, shooing them away, "It's fine, I'll see you both sometime soon, I'm assuming?"

"You're a great person!" Vernon complimented as he got up before grabbing Seungkwan's wrist, bolting out with a complaining man.

_Now what am I gonna do?_

/

Jeonghan had nothing to do. All his homework was done and he mentally cursed for actually being on top of his game about homework this time around. He was usually a last-minute type of student than an on top of their game type of student. If he were to study his economics and business books one more time; he'd rather pull out his hair and call it quits. It wasn't worth the pain of rereading material he knew like the back of his hand or was poorly written. Sometimes, he cringed at the content for being so _wrong,_ or how dumbed down it became over the years.

And that's how he ended up wandering around Seoul. Specifically near the campus.

He was disappointed by the pretzel kiosk he somehow found at one of the street kiosks. He ordered the safest one -- the original -- but it still disappointed him. As for the slushee, don't even get him started. It was entirely _frozen._ He had nothing to wash down the pretzel as he waited for the slushee to melt. _I'm never trusting any kiosk ever again. I don't get why they're so popular._ Jeonghan brooded silently as he threw out his pretzel and held onto his half frozen slushee, taking meager slips as much as he could before he was halted by just the ice of the slushee. _I'll just head home then._ Lips pursed, he continued his stroll -- taking the long way back to the dormitory.

As soon as it came to view, he saw someone walking sluggishly. "Is that a drunk person? Near campus? Seriously?" he mumbled to himself, eyebrows furrowed as his grip tightened on his drink, careful not to let it cave in. "Hey!" he called out as he drew near, watching them sway. "Are you okay?" he continued before being startled as the _male_ fell onto the pavement. Quickly, Jeonghan made haste as he ran over to the fallen man. "Hey, hey," he voiced as he rolled him onto his back. He was wide awake, the stranger's eyes were wide as he took in ragged breaths and Jeonghan couldn't believe it.

"Hong Jisoo," he breathed out, his drink long forgotten besides him as his hands were planted against his chest.

He could see the fear drift into Jisoo's eyes as realization began to hit him. _Now's not the time._

 _"_ Jisoo, I need you to listen to me. I need you to take deep breaths while I call the police, okay? Can you do that for me?"

A nod.

Jeonghan began to inhale and exhale, encouraging Jisoo to follow his rhythm of breathing, to which the other did -- slowly but surely. Once Jisoo was capable of doing it on his own, he took out his own phone and punched in the emergency numbers, impatiently tapping his fingers. A voice rang out and he sighed in relief. "Hello my friend seems to be.. going through something," he spoke unsure, "His name? Oh, it's Hong Jisoo. We're located at the university campus, maybe.. a few feet away?" he pauses, glancing down at Jisoo who was still trying to regulate his breathing. "He started swaying while he was walking, couldn't maintain his composure at all, uh.. His pupils are dilated, he has shortness of breath.." Jeonghan trailed off slowly, "Are you on drugs?" he shook his head. "Did you drink?" he shook his head once more. "So you don't know what caused it." Another shake of the head, "Did you say help was on th-"

His hand was grabbed suddenly, startling Jeonghan. 

"P-Please.. don't--" he managed to wheeze out, "Don't call for help."

".. Yes, I'm still here. I don't think we need an ambulance. No, no, I'm sure. He looks fine now. I'll be sure to get him checked out by the campus nurse instead. He can walk. ... Right?" 

A nod.

"Sorry for the troubles, I panicked for a bit. Goodbye, have a nice day." he hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket, "Hey, so, I'm gonna need you to drink this." he picked up his slushee, swirling it around, "It tastes like shit," he spoke bluntly, "But it's all I have," he slipped the straw into Jisoo's mouth, watching him take a sip, albeit cringing away immediately.

"It  _does_ taste like shit," he confirmed, causing Jeonghan to laugh.

"Come on, we need to get up and at least get to that bench over there. Can you do that?"

".. Yeah, I can."

Jeonghan wrapped one arm around him, helping him get up slowly before the two of them walked over to the bench, taking slow steps until Jisoo could keep pace. As they settled onto the bench, it was quiet between the two. Entirely awkward. Jeonghan hasn't talked to Jisoo in  _years._ Second year of university accompanied with last year and four years prior, it's been.. about five years. Five years since they've last spoken and Jeonghan still doesn't know where their downfall was and how it was. They were always connected at the hips and inseparable. _What happened between us?_ He never got to look at him properly. Before they stopped talking, their paths would cross always. But after that, it was like the other made sure their paths didn't cross. His circle glasses perched ontop of his nose, soft brown freckles, and a wide grin; Jisoo was absolutely cute when they were younger. Looking at him now, the raven hair that masked his light brown hair in highschool, it was obvious he wore contacts now, seeing the faint rim of the clear ones, now his freckles were faint but prominent.  _Jisoo was absolutely beautiful._

"Look, I should go." Jisoo spoke up after awhile, "Thank you for your help."

"Wait, Shua -- do you live at the dorms?" the nickname slipped out of his mouth naturally and he saw the way he flinched.

".. I do." he responded monotonously. "I do, actually."

"Then let me walk you back." Jeonghan spoke quickly as he watched the other get off the bench, "I live at the dorms too and it won't be a hassle at all." he gets up just as quickly, eyes wide -- pleading. 

"I'm fine on my own, Jeonghan."

"But, we don't know if it'll happen again," he outstretches his arms once he sways once more, "You can barely keep yourself up, Jisoo, you're lightheaded."

Jisoo pursed his lips, "... Fine."

The two walked in silence, Jeonghan's steps slowing down to match Jisoo's whenever he stumbled. It was obvious that Jisoo didn't want to be with him and Jeonghan wanted to be with him, ask about what happened between them, and hang out with him once more. They were going good one day and suddenly, it was over -- just like that. 

"Do you.." Jeonghan began, "Know what -- that episode was?"

"Not at all." Jisoo responded flatly.

"..Ah." he paused, "How did you feel?"

"Like _shit_."

"Can you elaborate?" 

A loud sigh came from him, "Jeonghan! I don't have time for small talk."

"I-I'm just trying to help and you're the one yelling at _me_!"

The younger deflated, "I was doing fine and then that happened. Shortness of breath, it hurt, a lot, I couldn't talk or move."

".. A panic attack?"

".. Maybe."

And that was that.

The two made it to his room, Jisoo's steps coming to a halt causing Jeonghan to run into his back. He muttered a quick _sorry_ and stepped back. "This is my room. You can leave." Jisoo mumbled as he unlocked his door.

"Wait, wait," he scrambled for his phone, thrusting it into Jisoo's hands, "Can I have your number?"

He looked at him oddly, taking the phone, hesitating, "Why?"

"In.. In case something like this happens again." Jeonghan spoke softly. 

He saw him put in his number, accompanied with texting his own phone. He handed the phone back, "Is that all?"

Jeonghan breathed out a sigh of relief, watching him open the door, "I believe so."

"Just for the record, Jeonghan," he looked at him seriously once he was in the safe confinements in this room, "Just because you helped me today doesn't mean I hate you any less." 

And the door was slammed shut in his face before he could respond. 


	3. III. Molecules. ; Jisoo.

Jisoo's day had been stressful.

First, he had to take the runt of the problem for his cousin when their friend called him, yelling at him to find out where he was, to which Jisoo didn't even know either since he was out running errands since his roommate had a black hole of a stomach and forgot to buy groceries. Of course, Jisoo was too kind to snap back and just listened while flinching ever so often as his voice raised. Jisoo's been with him long enough to tell him what he wants to hear and calm him down with words of reassurance, but then he heard the door slam open on the other end of the call and that was his cue to hang up. With that, he ended up dropping off the groceries at his dorm, only to find it empty and head off to class since he lost track of time with the call.

His class was boring. Stressful because he didn't understand anything. Boring because he didn't understand anything either. Unsatisfying because he didn't retain anything. Regretting it later when he's back in his dorm to cry over textbooks he couldn't comprehend in class because he couldn't retain anything in class. 

For some reason, ever since he woke up, he had this foreboding feeling that he was going to regret getting out of bed. But that was like all days, though this one felt different. It was like something in his stomach dropped entirely and he was going to hate himself for leaving his bed. Jisoo managed to push himself out of that trance and get out of his bed and continue on his day. That really did prove regrettable once his bad luck managed to surface on this specific day. From coffee spills, late to his first class because he couldn't find food, grocery shopping and knocking over a display to forgetting where he put his card, getting yelled at by Jihoon and the lack of understanding in class; What else was there left for it to spoil his day?

Unfortunately, Jisoo jinxed himself by asking.himself that.

He was out on campus, on his way back to the dorm when his phone rang. His mother. He could already feel the stress crawling all over his body and clinging onto him for dear life until he was suffocating. His thumb hesitated over the answer button but he absentmindedly pressed down on it, "Hello?" his voice was meek; nervous even.

"My precious boy," she cooed over the phone, elongating the 'y' in boy. "How have you been?"

"Fine, mom, and you?" he asked softly, his head tilt to the side, even though she wasn't going to be able to see it.

"Fine! Wonderful! Thanks for asking." she chorused with a pleased hum, leaving him nervous.

"Is there a reason why you called...?" 

"My pride and joy, my everything, my hon-"

"Mother."

A sigh was heard on the other end and then silence blanketed them awkwardly before she began once more, "Do you have money?"

"You're asking me... for money?"

"Did I stutter?"

"No, I'm just flustered by the question because it wasn't long ago that you asked for money with a false reason and invested it in clubbing and meaningless things. ... Why do you need it this time?" 

"I've changed," she quipped, a huff being heard, "This is a better reason. You know how this household hasn't been doing quite well and so that's making dad work more..."

"And? What does that have to do with me?"

"Well, it involves you because... Well... How would you feel about a new addition to the family?"

"Like.. a dog?" he asked, raising one eyebrow as he kicked at the pavement, "Why are you guys suddenly investing in a dog?"

"Not a dog, but.. how would you feel about a new baby brother or sister?"

"Baby... Brother or sister?" he echoed, his throat tightening up, "Oh please tell me you're joking."

"I wish I was joking."

"Mom--" he began, feeling his breath quicken, "You know we can't afford that, you know that we can't even--"

"I know, I know, but Jisoo,  _please._ I'm begging. Maybe this is a way to reconcile with your father. Having a new addition to the family and.. we'll be.. whole again. Doesn't that sound fantastic?"

"I don't know why you're trying so hard for a  _cheater._ " the word dripped out of his mouth without a care, a sneer having been heard.

"Love is crazy." she paused, "I'm definitely not supporting it but I love your father too much."

"Yeah," he retorted, "Love got me a slap or a punch to the face and covered in bruises when I was younger by my father," he snapped before sighing deeply, "I'll.. see what I can do. If it's for you.. I'll try to see what I can do. I have to go now, I have class," he lied, beginning to withdraw the phone from his ear.

"Bye, 'Soo, I love you and have a great day."

_Click._

His feet began to walk along the trail as his mind was bombarded with thoughts about that whole phone call.  _A new addition? They can't even handle their one addition 23 years ago; me. They meaning me. I was a surprised, but so will this child be. Is it.. going to be treated like how I was?_ Jisoo began to stress over the idea of that, feeling conflicted. Was he even ready to see a new addition to this family? It shouldn't affect him, but it was. His father was affecting him once more, as if he had to relive his whole childhood again. His throat tightened once more as he walked a little more clumsily. His vision was blurring.  _What is this feeling? What's happening? Oh dear God, what's happening?_ Fear crept up at him. Its metaphorical hands wrapped around his throat, tightening every second. He wasn't sure why his body decided to react this way. Was it the stress and the whole conversation with his mom that made him like this? He couldn't pinpoint in detail what caused this. Was he scared? Was he angry? Was he frustrated? He didn't know. 

His legs felt like jello, ready to collapse. And without realizing, he collapsed. Jisoo could hear a faint voice calling out to him and when he looked up through his blurred vision, he thought that he looked oddly familiar. It was like his body was already reacting on its own as his heart twisted painfully and his lung contractions got worse. His pants got worse, making it harder for him to breathe. That's when he heard his name; Hong Jisoo.  _That's me. Who are you?_ The quickest seconds had passed as his vision cleared and he saw the familiar face.  _Yoon Jeonghan. Oh no. Not again. No, I have to get away._ No matter how much he struggled and fumbled, Jeonghan was adamant and his body wouldn't cooperate. All he could do was follow Jeonghan's words.

Though it wasn't long, it had felt like eternity. It felt like eternity of him being near Jeonghan. He hasn't seen him in  _years_ and he wasn't planning to ever see him again in his life. But here he was, basked in all his beautiful glory that was an instant envy. Once Jeonghan called for help, it took him long to realize and pleaded not to. He was surprised how easy it was for him to comply and the phone was turned off. "Hey so, I'm gonna need you to drink this." he picked up his slushee, swirling it around, "It tastes like shit," he spoke bluntly, "But it's all I have," he slipped the straw into Jisoo's mouth, watching him take a sip, albeit cringing away immediately.

The disgusting taste was still felt in his mouth and even his spit wasn't able to wash it away. It was like it was stained in his mouth and he wasn't sure how Jeonghan was even drinking the slushee in the first place; some of the uni kiosks out here were  _terrible._ "It  _does_ taste like shit," he confirmed, earning a laugh from the other; one that he almost immediately craved but shut down instantaneously. 

"Come on, we need to get you up and at least get to that bench over there. Can you do that?"

"... Yeah, I can."

Jisoo tensed under his one arm embrace as he was lead to the bench. He sat down almost immediately, leaving a gap between them. He forced his body to relax and let himself absentmindedly stare off -- away from Jeonghan, making it look like he was occupied with something else. He could feel the other's gaze on him but he chose to ignore it.  _Why was he here of all days? Why did he have to bump into him?_ He made sure he was _never_ going to bump into Jeonghan ever again. He couldn't look at him -- he didn't even try. He despised him. He hated his existence. He was... unfair. He didn't want to see him, not after years of avoiding him. How was he even supposed to approach him? This was not a way to at all. He thought that if one day their paths were to cross, Jeonghan would be happy, would be with someone, and possibly, he could have talked to him. But it was too soon. It was too soon to see him and Jisoo didn't want to be near him any longer. "Look, I should go," Jisoo spoke up after a while, "Thanks for your help."

"Wait, Shua -- do you live at the dorms?"

Hearing his old nickname made him flinch and he refused to show any emotion towards it, instead, he spoke monotonously, "... I do." he paused, "I do, actually."

"Then let me walk you back." Jeonghan spoke quickly as he watched the other get off the bench, "I live at the dorms too and it won't be a hassle at all." he gets up just as quickly, eyes wide -- pleading. 

"I'm fine on my own, Jeonghan."

"But, we don't know if it'll happen again," he outstretches his arms once he sways once more, "You can barely keep yourself up, Jisoo, you're lightheaded."

Jisoo pursed his lips, "... Fine."

The walk was just about as quiet and awkward as it was earlier. Jisoo wanted to walk faster but he stumbled even more. His legs still felt like jello and it was annoying to him. He wanted to get away but it was like Jeonghan would catch on and slow his steps or watch him intently in case he were to bolt and leave him there to fend for himself. It wasn't a bad idea though. Then Jeonghan wouldn't know where his room was. That was suddenly out of the question because of his jello legs.

"Do you.." Jeonghan began, making Jisoo stress over his robotic responses he had to conjure up, "Know what -- that episode was?"

"Not at all." Jisoo responded flatly.

"..Ah." he paused, "How did you feel?"

"Like _shit_."

"Can you elaborate?" 

A loud sigh came from him, "Jeonghan! I don't have time for small talk."

"I-I'm just trying to help and you're the one yelling at _me_!"

The younger deflated, "I was doing fine and then that happened. Shortness of breath, it hurt, a lot, I couldn't talk or move."

".. A panic attack?"

".. Maybe."

And that was that.

The two made it to his room, Jisoo's steps coming to a halt causing Jeonghan to run into his back. He muttered a quick _sorry_ and stepped back. "This is my room. You can leave." Jisoo mumbled as he unlocked his door.

"Wait, wait," he watched him scramble for his phone, thrusting it into Jisoo's hands, "Can I have your number?"

He looked at him oddly, taking the phone, hesitating, "Why?"

"In.. In case something like this happens again." Jeonghan spoke softly. 

He saw him put in his number, accompanied with texting his own phone. He handed the phone back, "Is that all?"

Jeonghan breathed out a sigh of relief, watching him open the door, "I believe so."

"Just for the record, Jeonghan," he looked at him seriously once he was in the safe confinements in this room, "Just because you helped me today doesn't mean I hate you any less." 

And he slammed the door before the male could answer him. His heart thudded as he was filled with adrenaline at the smallest thing. If he kept acting this way, maybe Jeonghan would leave him alone again; pretend he wasn't there. That's what he was hoping for. Jisoo collapsed onto his bed, looking to the side to see his roommate was still gone, but what could he do about that? He grabbed his pillow and hugged it tightly to his chest, groaning into it.  _What am I going to do? Do I have make another path to avoid him at all cost? How long can I keep this up? I don't think I'll be able to._ He felt bitter about Jeonghan -- and he knew it wasn't Jeonghan's fault. Not at all. It was someone else's.

/

A few days had passed and he never did get a message. He was a bit relieved over that since he was an awkward texter and he feared having contact with him in general. He shouldn't even be in contact with him. There was no reason to be. It was obvious anyway, Jisoo was just another temporary friend. He couldn't fit Jeonghan's status or standard at all. There was no reason to mesh with a crowd he didn't belong in, it's been clear to him since he was younger. But he couldn't stress over it anymore than he should have to. He had other problems to deal with; his mother. His education. Ways to avoid Jeonghan. Obviously his priorities are straight. Somehow.

Jisoo tried every path he could to avoid Jeonghan and it didn't work at first once he saw a familiar mop of blonde coming his way and he'd have to dash off elsewhere. It caused a scene but his main goal was to get out before he was noticed, which also failed but it's not like Jeonghan could track him back since he ran faster than him. Maybe it was making it painfully obvious too, but that wasn't on his mind at all. Even when he ran and was away from him, it was difficult to escape. Rumors about Jeonghan would be passed because of who he was and how he looked. It was understandable, Jeonghan had aged well. Jisoo could agree that Jeonghan never had an ugly era, no matter how much the other had protested about it. 

Finally, he found the perfect route to avoid him. And it was working. He was relieved that he didn't come to class thirty minutes early now. He was able to take the perfect stroll and embrace the beauty of their university. It was odd though. Whenever he was in the physical building, any of them, he could feel a pair of eyes on him. At first, he ignored it, thinking it was normal, but then it became much more prominent once he heard retreating footsteps every time he turned around or halted in his steps. This time, he decided to test out his theory.

Hiding behind one of the stairwells, he waited. His breathing slowed down to stay quiet before he heard a grumble and footsteps that got louder and louder. Then, he was there. Jeonghan. He watched him look around frantically and then scratch at his head in an annoyed manner. His lips were pursed as his gaze darted around everywhere. Slowly, Jisoo revealed himself and Jeonghan didn't even notice.

"Why are you following me?"

Jeonghan jumped at his voice, a small gasp escaping his mouth, "What makes you say I'm following you? I could be looking for someone else."

"Well, obviously, this is a building no one ever goes in and you suddenly stopped here instead of looking elsewhere." Jeonghan's expression grew sheepish, "And you act as if I didn't know I was being followed around for the past few days," Jisoo paused, crossing his arms, "So? What is it? What do you need?"

"Why are you avoiding me?" the other blurted out immediately, "You run every time I see you so..!"

"I'm not avoiding you," he lied, "I've just been waking up later."

"Ah," Jeonghan nodded slowly, but both of them didn't believe a word he said, "Anyway, would you go to Espresso Express with me?"

"What makes you think I'll go with you?" he asked bluntly, noticing the vileness of those words but it didn't seem to phase the other.

"Because. You can't resist coffee."

_He was right._ "But I'm busy today." Jisoo saved himself, narrowing his eyes.

"But you can't resist coffee." Jeonghan repeated.

".. Why do you want to get coffee with me?"

"To catch up. I want to catch up, I missed you."

The words pierced at his heart but he ignored it, "And if I say no?"

Jeonghan smiled thinly in response, "Then I'll continue to protest against it and take you there even if I have to force you to come with me."

"So, you're gonna kidnap me?"

"For an hour or two, yes. I promise I'll bring you back though."

"Seems sketchy."

"Try my hardest not to sound sketchy," Jeonghan bantered back, his usual dopey smile returning, "We don't even have to catch up, we can just... talk."

Jisoo stayed silent, looking at him seriously as he gnawed at his bottom lip. Suddenly, a sigh fell from his lips, "Fine," he replied exasperatedly, "But you have to pay for coffee."

"Well of course, I offered the plan. I thought it was obvious I would be paying for today." 

The corner of Jisoo's lips quirked upwards, "Ah, you're paying for today? Should we run more of my errands today?"

Jeonghan deflated immediately at his words, "I may have money to spend but you can't just milk it out of me like that."

"Worth a try," Jisoo sighed dramatically, squishing his own cheek, "Was really hoping for a new everything."

"Oh shut up," Jeonghan grunted, walking closer and grabbing his wrist and tugging him forward, "Keep this up and you're gonna end up getting the cheapest coffee on the menu and I'll make sure they make it  _terrible._ "

Jisoo couldn't help but laugh, even when he tried not to, "Yes, sir," he caught Jeonghan's surprised expression, "Let's get this show on the road then, Yoon." his wrist slipped from his grasp and he walked off, beckoning him over without sparing him another glance.

"H-Hey, wait up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAH It's here! It's updated! it's going to be 1 am soon and i have class early tomorrow ehehe. i think this fic is gonna be a short fic but we shall see! it's good to be back even tho my handwriting is rusty! i hope everyone has been well and enjoying their 2019! i'm glad to be able to write and do stuff i wasn't able to do at all during 2018. i can read, write, and draw now, it's great! hehe. anyway, i'm quite excited for this fic!
> 
> until next time <3 


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